Understanding the Tension You Feel Around ‘Action’ and How to Let It Go

I want another job which would make me feel happy, content, appreciated, empowered and purposeful.I started to look for jobs on online job boards, but every time I do that it drains my energy. I hate doing this. I don’t do something, if I don’t put myself out there, if I don’t make the effort, I won’t find anything. And I feel so disappointed, that I can’t find a good matching job. 

Should I just force myself to do that?  Keep looking? Or should I just keep visualizing my dream job? I feel so good about it but then I go to these sites looking for jobs and then comes this energy-draining feeling again. 

How ‘action’ fits into our manifesting ‘efforts’ is something we almost immediately begin to obsess over once we get our hands on teachings like the ‘law of attraction.’ And it isn’t long before we experience a constant sense of tension brewing in the background, resulting in anxiety, overthinking and myriad other negative feelings. It exacerbates the already problematic attachment we have to specific outcomes. 

The only way to resolve this problem, and create a more harmonious relationship with ‘action,’ is understanding why this appears to be such a problem for us, why this seems like this difficult thing we can’t quite get a handle on.

 It’s not that we haven’t figured out the appropriate ‘balance.’ There are no hard and fast ‘rules’ for when to take action and when not to. ‘Manifestation’ is not an action-based process, it isn’t something we ‘do.’

What shows up in our lives is a result of our predominant emotional state. It is about what we are ‘being.’  Like I constantly remind everyone–terms like ‘energy’ and ‘vibration’ are simply fancy words for ‘feelings.’

Why This Stresses Us Out

The only reason we stress about whether or not to take action, what actions to take, how action fits into the whole ‘process’ is because everything we want is driven by negative feelings, and we think if certain things happen–like getting a new job–those feelings will go away.

When we believe the only way we can feel better is if certain things happen, we get very attached to those things happening. We get very worried about them not happening. 

Then we learn about teachings like the ‘law of attraction’ that tell us we can get whatever we want. And because we want what we want so badly, we get very fixated on doing everything ‘right’ so we in fact do get these things, because again, we are very attached to getting them because we believe once they show up, all our icky feelings will go away.

The stakes are very high to the ego mind.

So long as we continue to operate from the space of believing our circumstances are responsible for our feelings, we will remain very attached to the idea that we must change them to feel better. So long as we don’t look at the negative feelings creating the ‘want,’ we will continue to operate from ‘pain-minimizing’ mode, and this attachment will just grow stronger and more painful.

So long as that painful attachment remains, we will agonize over whether we are doing everything the ‘right’ way, and whether we will succeed in getting what we want. We will continue to involve ourselves in the process way more than we need to, and this will be to our detriment, both emotionally and ‘results-wise.’  This ‘confusion’ over action will just grow more and more intense. 

So long as this painful attachment remains, we will feel very compelled to take action because we want to control everything. The more intensely focused we are on outcomes, the harder it is to get into the frame of mind, the emotional space, where we will see the role of action very clearly. When we see it clearly, we will know when to take action and when it is best to just stay out of it. 

And this ‘knowing’ is not something to be learned. It is something that happens when we are operating from an emotionally ‘cleaner’ space that can only come from exploring what is happening in our mind, and accepting the idea that this is where our focus needs to be, that changing the outside is not the answer, because it’s not the problem. 

When we realize changing the outside isn’t the answer to our emotional woes, we become less concerned with doing so.

 We may still want a new job, to have a relationship eventually, or whatever else, but these white-hot burning needs, fueled by massive resistance to our life situation as it stands now, transform into mere preferences. Preferences  will still have some emotional ‘stickiness’ as there is still some desire to change the outside, but it’s a hell of a lot better. 

And when our minds and ‘vibe’ are not cluttered with all that emotional noise created by the attachment, we will feel guided as to what to do; inspired actions will strike without us really thinking much about it. We will spend less time in that stress-fueled space where we are trying to figure out what to do. There is less scheming, plotting and ruminating. 

In some cases, we may still take the same actions we are taking now, but they are from a completely different space. When an action doesn’t lead to a particular outcome or something ‘happening’ as we may have expected, it won’t bother us as much. 

Action Without Attachment to Outcomes

Action without attachment to outcomes is a hard one for the ego/human mind to wrap its head around because the very fact we are taking certain types of actions is because we are looking for some sort of result. Of course we are attached to some particular outcome. 

This ‘conundrum’ in which we appear to find ourselves is a great example of how the emotional/energetic ‘goals’ we are trying to achieve make zero logical sense, and because of this, it really interferes with achieving them. 

Yes, there may always be some part of you that is attached to some worldly result, that believes you must have certain things to be happy, that if certain things in your life changed you would feel better. That’s just our ‘cross to bear’ for having this human experience I suppose. But the part of you that believes that doesn’t have to be the part of you that dominates. 

This part of you isn’t the one that has to determine how you feel; the thought system by which this part of you abides is not the one that has to rule all your habits, actions, motivations, intentions and decisions. 

You may believe certain actions are necessary or helpful for achieving some external goal–we have been pretty conditioned to believe action is a very important part of ‘creating’ things. From the ego mind’s perspective, it certainly seems to be the level of ‘cause.’

It’s not though–mind is, and action is on the level of ‘effect.’ The specific actions we take are driven by something inside of us.  And the results, or lack thereof, will be a reflection of the quality of that ‘something.’ 

When we realize our real problem is not outside of us, but within us, we don’t feel as pressured to change the outside since it won’t give us what we are looking for anyway. And when we are less attached to a particular result, we take action from a more relaxed space.

We may believe we need to do certain things, we may feel inspired to do certain things, but we won’t worry so much about whether something specific will result from those actions. 

In the job example, you may be invited to some sort of event where there is potential to make connections with people who may help you find work. You are very well aware of this, you may be hoping something will come out of it. But you don’t go into the situation with a strong expectation of anything in particular happening. And if ‘nothing’ seems to happen, you’ll be okay with it. If you don’t ‘get’ anything from taking that action, you’ll be okay with it. 

If you do certain things, like social media updates, podcasts or write blog posts, to promote your business, you will do it more from a space of being of service, of having fun, of doing something that simply feels good, rather than always trying to get a new client or sell something. 

All the while, you understand that the ‘giving’ will likely have a positive effect on making money, so you don’t have to worry about that so much, and make it the sole focus. You are no longer doing everything you do just to get money because you realize making the money isn’t what will make you happy.

You realize achieving what the world considers ‘success’ isn’t what will make you happy. So you are not as motivated by ‘outcomes.’ You just want to do stuff that feels good, knowing all your ego ‘concerns’ will be taken care of in the process.

And don’t forget the most important reason you don’t want to be attached to outcomes–you can’t control anything outside of you. There is no guarantee any action you take will result in any particular outcome. You can’t control whether someone will read your blog post or sign up for your email list.

You can’t control whether someone will hire you for a job. You can’t control whether someone will decide to buy your product or service. You can’t control whether someone is going to take a particular action, or make the decision, you want them to. 

Dealing with This Strong Conditioning

If you believe action is necessary to make certain things happen for you, just do your best to take it from as ‘clean’ a space as possible. Don’t get super attached to any results. Don’t get super discouraged when you do something and you don’t ‘get’ anything from it.

 Be aware of when you are harboring strong expectations and remind yourself to just let a situation be whatever it will be. Remember that just because something didn’t work out like you wanted it to doesn’t mean anything went wrong. 

Just because you can’t seem to figure out how to make something happen, or the very limited ways in which your mind can conceive of the result don’t seem to be bearing fruit, doesn’t mean it’s not possible for it to happen. The ego’s arrogance really comes through in this regard. There is infinite possibility, and it cannot even come close to understanding that. 

Take note of all the times you seemed to get something with minimal action on your part; take note of all the times your bad-feeling actions didn’t get you any worthwhile result. Reflecting on your personal experience, and seeing these ideas play out in your own life is the best way to more deeply internalize helpful ideas, and discard the unhelpful ones, because this will serve as actual ‘evidence.’

The Choice of Choices

Like I have always said, this ‘journey’ of personal growth, spiritual exploration, or whatever you call it, at its root, is really nothing more than making a conscious choice between two thought systems. I have always referred to them as the ‘ego’ thought system and the ‘spirit’ thought system. They are polar opposites in every regard.

There is one belief on which each thought system is built. This belief will inform every other belief, every other perspective, every other point of view contained within each of them. And this belief is where our emotional suffering comes from.

Ego believes it comes from outside of us, and spirit believes it comes from within, from our own minds. Again, polar opposites. Again, whether we believe the former or the latter will shape our entire journey, and how we respond to everything that happens to us. 

Whether we believe ‘ego’ or ‘spirit’ will determine all our other beliefs. It will determine so much about how we move through the world, how we relate to others, the choices we make, our habits, how we see ourselves–essentially our entire human experience. 

If we opt for the ego belief about the root of our suffering– which means we will believe the outside needs to change in countless ways, we need certain things to be happy–we will stress about things like action, because we believe we need to change things to feel better, and we believe we must take a very active role in facilitating that change. 

We will expend precious energy trying to figure out what to ‘do’ rather than going within our minds and seeing the real cause of our stress, and healing whatever it is creating the attachment to external results and changes. And that ‘clearing’ will reveal actions to us, if and when, they would be useful. 

We will continue to do all our inner work solely in service of changing the outside, and since the outside isn’t where our happiness and peace lie, we waste a lot of time doing that!

When we opt for the belief our emotional discontent is caused by something outside of us, we miss out on the opportunity to create more profound shifts in our mind, and emotional state, that would lend itself to creating results in the outside world our human/ego mind would find quite pleasing. 

Remember that terms like ‘energy’ and ‘vibration’ are just fancy words for feelings; and when you engage with your mind and emotions on a deeper level, and really start clearing some crap out, your life has no choice but to change in very dramatic ways, that again, ego you will find very pleasing.

I have come to realize that this deeper emotional work is like a more ‘advanced’ level of manifesting. 

When we opt for the journey of simply trying to attract what we don’t have, and changing the outside, that leads to much more ‘superficial’ changes in our emotional state that may be enough to see some movement in your life, but sometimes not, as some people have seen. If you have no choice but to go right to the deep work, it’s a good thing actually. 

And even if you get what you want, if the outside isn’t what really makes us happy, these ‘victories’ may seem a bit hollow. You may feel some surface relief. You may intellectually understand you ‘should’ feel happy because you have ‘good’ things in your life, and you got certain things you wanted, ‘but there is still some sort of ‘void’ there, some sense of discontent.

There is this sense of wanting ‘more.’ That is all the ego wants by the way–just more in any form it can get.

At the end of the day, we get to choose. And anyone can choose to believe the problems and the answers lie in the outside world. That’s not bad or wrong. Plenty of people use that belief to achieve all sorts of things in life, and they may manage to get exactly what they believe they want. And they feel happy ‘enough’ perhaps. They may not have any intention to do super deep emotional work and it’s all good.

But for most people, this belief is not really benign, it creates a lot of suffering. It makes things a lot harder than they need to be.  

The Universe, God, Spirit or whatever you want to call it, understands how our human mind works and what we value here, what we believe we need. It can easily arrange these things for us, and it’s easier for them to do so, when we see all the these ‘wants’ for what they really are, and we no longer make them so precious and dear. 

If our belief that the cause of our bad feelings lies somewhere in the external world, and we are suffering because of this belief, there is another thought system that offers us a way out of that suffering. 

We take it or we don’t. If we want to hold onto the ego belief of the root of that suffering, that is fine, but we must accept the emotional consequences of that choice.

Myriad negative feelings will come from simply believing it, will result from how that choice makes us live our lives–fear, anxiety, depression, frustration, bitterness, resentment, self-hatred, hatred of others, feeling like a victim, always blaming others. 

We must accept that this belief actually makes it harder to change our lives, and get these things we hold so valuable, because this point of view creates so much emotional ‘garbage’. Remember, ‘energy’ and ‘vibration’ are just fancy words for feelings, and this thought system creates nothing but ‘bad’ ones.

From an energetic perspective, the more focused we are on our outside circumstances, the harder it gets to change them by way of ‘changing’ energy because the energy that comes with all that focus tends to be pretty crappy. 

And for the record, you will enjoy what you receive a lot more when you aren’t looking to it to solve all your emotional problems, and fill the ‘void.’ 

If we accept the premise that our feelings are caused by something within us, rather than what’s happening in our lives, we see how the ego mind has set us on a path where we will be looking for what we want in a place it will never be found.

Talk about an impossible situation. 

But there is a thought system that offers us a way out of it, and while the ego mind may see traveling that path as one of great sacrifice, you really aren’t giving up anything but emotional pain, and anyone thinking with their ‘right’ mind (spirit mind) would not want to hold onto that. 

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