This 4-step formula will reveal your heart’s desire—and change everything

You say yes to every project. Fill out the calendar. Hustle harder… Still, you feel that lingering emptiness. Must be a sign to push further—right?

But what if the constant chasing is the reason you feel so disconnected? Jon and Missy Butcher, the creators of Lifebook, explain that true clarity comes when you stop living on autopilot and start aligning with your heart’s desire.

“The instant you choose to start living your life on your own terms,” says Jon, “that’s when everything changes.”

Because the reality is, life isn’t about ticking boxes. It’s tuning into what your heart actually longs for and daring to live from that place.

What is a heart’s true desire?

Your heart’s desire—or dharma, as it’s often called in spiritual traditions—is that thing you really want deep down, not just what looks good on paper or sounds impressive to others. It’s the kind of love, purpose, or connection that makes you feel completely yourself.

“We all have different preferences, different instincts, different needs, and different desires,” Jon explains in his and Missy’s program on Mindvalley, Lifebook. “And the road to the fulfillment of those desires is different for every single one of us.”

Maybe it’s building a life around creativity. Perhaps it’s having soul-deep relationships. Or making a real difference. Or finally feeling at peace in your own skin.

Whatever it may be for you, knowing your heart’s desire clears up the need for guesswork or to ask that infamous question, “What should I do with my life?”

We all have different preferences, different instincts, different needs, and different desires. And the road to the fulfillment of those desires is different for every single one of us.

— Jon Butcher, trainer of Mindvalley’s Lifebook program

The thing is, research shows that people who feel a bit lost in life tend to be less compassionate and more caught up in comparing themselves to others. Which is exactly why figuring out your heart’s desire matters.

When you know, you feel more grounded, more energized, and way more you instead of just checking boxes to keep up with everyone else.

Heart’s desire in numerology

What drives you? What makes you feel fulfilled? And what kind of life feels most aligned with your true self? This is what your heart’s desire number (also called the soul urge number) can help reveal.

For example, if you’re a 6, you might feel most fulfilled when nurturing family and relationships. Or if you’re a 5, you might crave freedom and adventure. 

It’s essentially a tool for self-awareness—one that helps you figure out why certain things resonate deeply while others leave you feeling disconnected.

How it’s calculated

The heart’s desire number is derived from the vowels (A, E, I, O, U) in your full birth name. Each vowel is assigned a number:

A = 1
E = 5
I = 9
O = 6
U = 3

You add the values of the vowels together and reduce them to a single-digit number or a master number (11, 22). (Numbers 11 and 22 carry heightened spiritual energy, representing intuition, insight, and the potential for profound personal growth.)

Now, what would that look like? Let’s use Missy as an example:

Name: Missy Butcher
Vowels: I (9), U (3), E (5)
Total: 9 + 3 + 5 = 17
Break down 17 into its digits: 1 + 7 = 8

So Missy’s number is 8… But what do the numbers even mean? Here’s what each one reveals:

1	Independence, leadership, self-expression
2	Harmony, partnership, sensitivity
3	Creativity, joy, self-expression
4	Stability, discipline, hard work
5	Freedom, adventure, change
6	Love, family, responsibility
7	Wisdom, spirituality, introspection
8	Power, success, material abundance
9	Compassion, humanitarianism, service
11	Intuition, spiritual insight, enlightenment
12	Master builder, visionary, global impact

For Missy, it’s all about power, success, and building a life that feels solid. It’s a cue for her to lead with confidence while staying grounded in integrity and emotional balance.

At the end of the day, your heart’s desire number points to what’s been quietly calling you all along. It’s proof that the answers you’re searching for have been with you the whole time.

How to know what your heart wants: a 4-step formula

Most people drift through life or hit a midlife crisis not because they’re lazy but because they’re overwhelmed. Endless distractions. Too many demands.

And often, it feels easier to stay on autopilot—working hard, keeping up appearances, checking off milestones—than to ask the bigger questions: What do I really want? What’s driving me? Or what actually matters?

The instant you choose to start living your life on your own terms, that’s when everything changes.

— Jon Butcher, trainer of Mindvalley’s Lifebook program

Finding your heart’s desire is about breaking out of that fog and figuring out what truly feels right for you, in all the 12 areas of life.

Here’s Jon and Missy’s simple, guided process to help you start tuning in.

1. Identify what you truly believe about your life

Before you can figure out what your heart really wants, you need to get clear on what you believe about yourself and life itself. Because whether you realize it or not, those beliefs—whether about success, relationships, health, or happiness—are quietly steering the wheel.

The thing is, not all of them actually serve you. Like, maybe you’ve grown up thinking success equals long hours and burnout. Or that relationships are supposed to be complicated. Or that happiness is something you’ll figure out “someday.”

But what if those ideas aren’t true for you?

A 2022 study found that people who actively explore their personal beliefs about what makes a fulfilling life tend to report higher life satisfaction and overall well-being. In other words, clarity about what you hold to be true—especially when they empower you—can make a real difference in how aligned and fulfilled you feel.

So, take a moment to reflect. What’s your perception about success? About love? About personal growth?

“It’s critical to know what you believe before you start thinking about what you want,” Jon explains. “Because your beliefs control your thoughts, your decisions, and your behaviors, and therefore, your destiny.”

The goal here isn’t to judge or filter but to get clear. Once you see these beliefs on paper, you can decide if they truly match the life you want—or if it’s time for an upgrade.

2. Get clear on what you really want

“Most people have no destination in mind at all, no target to focus on and move toward,” Jon highlights. “Instead, they wander aimlessly through their lives in all or most of the 12 categories, just floating like a piece of driftwood, tossed around wherever the tide of life happens to take them.”

But how do you actually get clear? Start with questions that go beyond the surface:

• What experiences make me feel most alive?
• If success wasn’t measured by money or status, what would it look like for me?
• What kind of life would make me proud—at the end of it all?

Getting specific matters. Saying you want “happiness” or “success” is too vague.

Does happiness mean deeper friendships? More time for creativity? A sense of adventure? The more personal and specific, the easier it becomes to create a life that feels truly yours.

When it comes down to it, clarity isn’t merely setting goals for your personal growth plan or dreaming up a Pinterest-worthy life. Rather, it’s about aligning your choices with what actually matters to you.

And when you get clear on that? You stop chasing everyone else’s idea of happiness and start building a life that feels completely your own.

3. Understand why it matters to you

Sure, knowing what you want is amazing. But understanding why you want it? That’s where the magic happens.

Your “why” fuels motivation, keeps you focused when life gets messy, and makes your goals feel personal. It’s, as Jon explains, the “key to your success.” 

“If you have a strong enough purpose, you’re going to do whatever it takes,” he adds. “You’re going to overcome any obstacle, cover any distance. You will figure out how to do just about anything.”

In fact, research has shown that people who chase goals that actually mean something to them tend to stay motivated. On the other hand, those chasing goals just to impress others or meet expectations often struggle to stick with them.

So when it comes to finding your purpose, start by asking:

• Why does this goal matter to me—not anyone else, just me?
• How will it make my life better or more meaningful?
• What would I lose if I didn’t pursue this?

For example, wanting a healthier lifestyle isn’t just about abs or kale smoothies. Maybe it’s about being active with your kids or feeling confident in your body again.

The deeper the emotional connection, the stronger the pull. And when you know your why, it shifts your focus from just achieving something to experiencing it.

4. Create a plan to make it happen

The reality is, without a plan, even the clearest desires can stay stuck as daydreams. According to Jon, it helps to define what needs to happen in order to make your vision a reality.

For him and Missy, Lifebook was their plan. It gave them a “crystal clear vision of the extraordinary life” that they wanted to create for themselves.

Their advice? Start by being brutally honest with yourself. Where are you right now? What habits, skills, or patterns are holding you back?

Once you’re clear on that, map out the steps that will get you closer to the life you want. That could be healthier habits, personal boundaries, or developing new skills.

This is also where your goals live. Break them down into manageable steps—think daily or weekly habit-stacking actions, not just big-picture results.

Want deeper relationships? Set time aside for quality conversations. Building a creative career? Block out regular time to work on your craft. Every small step counts.

What’s more, think about becoming the person who aligns with that vision. Ask yourself: Who do I need to be to make this happen? Maybe it’s someone more consistent, more vulnerable, or more confident.

When your daily choices match the life you’re working toward, progress stops feeling daunting. In reality, it becomes inevitable.

Unlock your brilliance within

Your life isn’t meant to feel like a constant guessing game. You deserve clarity, purpose, and a path that leads to your heart’s desire.

If you have a strong enough purpose, you’re going to do whatever it takes.

— Jon Butcher, trainer of Mindvalley’s Lifebook program

Mindvalley’s Lifebook free webinar goes beyond figuring out what you want; it’ll help you with owning it. Jon and Missy Butcher hand you the tools to create a life that fits who you really are, in every area that matters most—from your health to your relationships to your career to your overall life vision.

For Joe Sellars, the owner of Today for a Better Tomorrow Life Coaching in the U.S., the journey sparked a renewed sense of hope and optimism. Lifebook helped him break free from the weight of life’s challenges and reclaim his sense of direction.

Because, as many Lifebook students have discovered, no one else can define your life for you. And when you finally get clear on your own terms, the way forward stops being a question. It becomes a choice.

Welcome in.