Law of Attraction: I’ve Stopped Taking Bad Feeling Action So Why Haven’t Things Changed?

Hi Kelli! 

I read a lot about how it’s important to do things that feel good to manifest what you want. I had been taking a lot of bad-feeling actions to reach my goals and have tried to do less of those things and take more ‘inspired’ action. But things are still the same. What are your thoughts on that? 

Actions Are Level of Effect 

Everything we do is motivated by something happening within us, whether it is a ‘positive’ action or a ‘negative’ action. The ‘doing’ is preceded by something happening in our mind. We aren’t just mindlessly taking random actions out of nowhere. In this sense all action is ‘inspired’ action. 

 So while it certainly seems that action is the level of ‘cause’ it is actually on the level of ‘effect.’  This can be hard to fully grasp because it very much appears to be the opposite. We do X and Y appears to happen. But whatever result we are getting is due to our state of mind. 

Business is a good example of this. You can have people who work their asses off and take massive amounts of action, yet still struggle to see ‘success’ as the world defines it. Then there are people who appear to do very little and reap massive results. If action were the true level of ‘cause’ we would see the opposite.

If action were the true level of cause, then anyone following the blueprint some business guru gives to grow their business, would get the same exact results as she did. But this is often not the case. 

Some of the biggest shifts I have seen in my own business came after periods of taking actions that didn’t feel good, getting sick of ‘doing,’ letting up all the negative feelings that were motivating the actions, and then not doing much of anything. That I was seeing the most results when I was doing the least, and feeling the best, was a very powerful experience for me. I really saw first hand it can’t be about the action. How could it be when the most movement appeared to happen when I wasn’t doing much of anything?

All the ‘work’ we do in the realm of personal development is another good example, especially as it relates to ‘manifestation.’ If action were the true level of cause, then people doing the most affirmations, the most programs, the most of this tool or or that technique, would have the most ‘stuff,’ would see the most ‘success.’ And we all know that definitely isn’t the case. In fact, the people who ‘do’ the most often seem to ‘struggle’ the most. 

And if what is happening in the mind is the true level of ‘cause’ all  this makes perfect sense. The more effort people expend on trying to ‘manifest,’ the more icky energy they  have lying at the root of the desire, the more ‘stuff’ they are looking for the manifestation to fix, the more desperate they feel to acquire it. 

 

The Real Problem

If action isn’t the true level of ‘cause’ then simply refraining from bad-feeling actions won’t make a big difference. The action isn’t really isn’t our concern, it is the energy from which we are taking it. The bad-feeling action is merely a symptom of the real problem, which is what is happening in your mind, what is making you feel compelled to do things that don’t feel good. 

Of course, stepping back from bad-feeling action, with the understanding it is not serving you, is a tremendous step in the right direction. You are removing a lot of negativity from your life that would otherwise be generated from taking the action that strengthens and reinforces the attachment to whatever outcome you are seeking. A true, sincere willingness to do this shows a real faith and trust in the process, even if the amounts of this faith and trust are small in the beginning. 

But in order to see real movement in your life, you need to look at the negativity deep inside that is motivating you to do things that don’t feel very good. The only reason we would spend our time doing things that feel bad is if we were very emotionally attached to getting whatever it is we believe we will get as a result of these actions. 

And that ‘attachment’ is never coming from a good place emotionally. The more strongly we want something in the outside world, the more pain we have inside that we believe the ‘thing’ will fix.  The more attached we feel to getting something, the more painful the story we have around its absence. 

Remember that terms like ‘energy’ and ‘vibration’ are just fancy words for feelings, and simply refraining from bad-feeling actions does nothing to address the feelings motivating them. 

If spending hours a day swiping on dating apps was becoming so depressing and demoralizing, you decided to step away, you definitely made a good decision. 

But if you don’t address the root cause of why you were doing that, whether you are just so sick of being single, you are older and worry you’ll miss out on having kids, or your ex has a new relationship so you best get one too, your experience in this area of your life will continue to be the same, at least for the most part. 

You have to explore why you are so attached to getting a relationship. You have to explore the fears you have around not having one now of not getting one in the future. Is it fear of being alone? Fear of being judged? Fear of people feeling sorry for you? Fear that all the bad things you think about yourself must obviously be true? 

You have to explore the story you have around your single status, the story you have around these fears and decide if this is the story you are sticking with. Does being single really mean there is something wrong with you? Does not having kids mean you will never have a truly fulfilling life? Do you think whether being married or not implies any inherent ‘good’ or ‘bad’ qualities in a person?

Don’t be afraid of honestly exploring all of this. I know you really don’t want to. I know you would much prefer to just figure out ‘how’ to get what you want and the manifestations will take care of the feelings. But they really won’t. I promise you that.

The egoic mind is very powerful and we can certainly create from that level without doing a deep dive into our mind. But those manifestations are not very satisfying. And for some people, there is just too much ‘stuff’ there to create from this more surface level. I know that may sound disheartening but if you believe you fall into this category, it is actually a good thing. 

 

Creating a Less Tense Relationship with Action

How action fits into all this ‘work’ often proves to be a great source of tension for people for a number of reasons. First, we have a pretty deeply ingrained belief that action is the level of ‘cause’ so there is always the worry we aren’t doing the ‘right’ things or enough things.

Secondly, it is also pretty deeply ingrained that we only deserve money and other ‘good’ things if we work hard to earn them. We see our worth in what we do or contribute, not what we are. So while the idea of the Universe, God or Spirit taking care of us, and all we need to do is work on our mindset and emotional state, sounds nice, and we would like to believe it is true, in reality we are actually quite uncomfortable with it. We are not quite sure that is how it works. It seems like a risky proposition. 

Everything we want in the external world is driven by some sort of negative feeling inside–lack, not feeling good enough, wanting to ‘prove’ something to ourselves or others,etc.–and if we believe the only way we can feel better is to get certain things and change our circumstances in very specific ways, there will be a lot of fear around not getting them, and this fear will lead to a strong need to control. And the need to control will clearly manifest through action and ‘doing.’ 

So for most of us, the belief in the need to take action will remain pretty strong, and that’s okay. The key is just understanding what is really happening, what is really responsible for your results or the lack thereof. Remember that changing the outside is not what will really make you happy, so going about doing that in a way that feels really bad hardly seems worth it. 

Do your best to take actions from a space of simply wanting to do something because it is enjoyable, not because you are simply trying to get something. The good feeling ideally should be its own reward. Don’t hold everything you want so dear and precious. Don’t take everything so seriously. 

Just be aware of what is happening in your mind as you go about the pursuit of various goals, and keep reminding yourself about the true level of ‘cause.’ If you are doing something that feels really bad, then something is ‘off’ inside or the action wouldn’t feel that way. You wouldn’t be making yourself do something that you may have zero desire to do, but you believe you must to get a specific result, unless there was a strong attachment to a particular outcome. And remember that attachment is never coming from a good place.  

If a part of you believes that being on dating apps is an important avenue for meeting people, then be on them. But don’t get too attached to this one way of connecting. It’s not the end all be all. In theory, they seem like a great way to meet people, but the reality is often very different for people. Remember that for thousands of years, people were meeting and getting married without the internet. 

If you think taking certain actions for your business is important, then take them. Just don’t confuse ‘source’ and ‘channels.’ Spirit is your true source of money and clients, not your Instagram account or your email list. So don’t spend hours and hours of your time trying to build some arbitrary number of followers or subscribers if it doesn’t really feel good. 

To truly develop a more harmonious relationship with action, which I think is a highly worthwhile endeavor, you need to be open to exploring your mind more deeply, being honest about what you find there, and be open to healing beliefs and thoughts responsible for this tense relationship. If in reality we are still going to be doing plenty of ‘doing’ in various respects, it makes good sense to do whatever we can to make that reality a more enjoyable, less stressful one. 

The Answer Will Always Be Going Within

No matter where you are struggling in your life, no matter which areas the problems are showing up, the first and most important step will always be going within. The true, lasting answer will never be external to you. It will never be action; it will never be relying on anyone else to be a different way or to do something differently. 

Manifestation is not an action-based process. While action is certainly a manifestation of energy and can influence the course of events, it will never be the crux of the process. 

If you ever think you must be doing something ‘wrong’, that you are not seeing certain results because you are not taking the ‘right’ actions, that will never be true. While refraining from energetically ‘unfriendly’ actions is certainly a good thing, that does not address the underlying energy that was motivating them. Taking the ‘bad feeling’ action wasn’t a true problem in and of itself. It wasn’t the ‘cause’ of the lack of results or any problems that may have resulted from doing these things. 

The only reason we ask the type of questions this post is answering is because there is something inside of us that we are looking to make ‘better’ through manipulating the external world. We have a very strong attachment to getting certain things, and we want to make sure we are doing everything ‘right.’

We are desperate to get rid of all those uncomfortable feelings, and if we believe the only way to accomplish that is figuring out how to get all the stuff we think we want, the stakes become extremely high. And with those high stakes, come a lot of tension, anxiety, fear and an extremely strong need to control everything. 

When we are willing to look at the real problem–which is in our minds and not the current state of our life and what we have or don’t have–the stakes don’t feel as high. We don’t feel as much pressure to change the outside.

We understand more deeply that it isn’t the answer. And with that understanding, if we are honestly still left with some preferences for things to be a certain way–getting a relationship, moving, finding a better paying job–we will pursue these goals in a much more relaxed fashion. 

By doing that inner work, we will have made significant changes to our state of ‘being.’ And I have always said the ‘being’ paves the way for the ‘doing.’ You will just get a sense of when to take action and when to not, you will get a sense of what specific actions to take and which ones to avoid.

You will no longer be operating from that mode of always feeling like it is up to you to figure everything out and constantly plotting each and every step, each and every move. 

Your ego/human/personality self will have its preferences, it will believe it has certain needs, and you will tend to all that. But you won’t take it all so seriously anymore because you see all these desires for what they really are, and have a better understanding of their limits in terms of enhancing your emotional well being.

When you are no longer looking to all these things to ‘fix’ your deep emotional issues, you will enjoy the money, the travel, the relationship or whatever else a lot more. 

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